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ALL MY RELATIONS

<text of the lecture All My Relations by Joyce Hoen
on CHTA's-miniconference June 13, 2004 : Saturn in Cancer, published in the ISAR journal Spring 2005>

 

 

Two planets occupy my third house, Venus and Mars. I have a sister and a brother. When young, my Aries-Moon-sister was the Mars-factor and my Libra-rising-brother the Venus-factor. My sister and I were always quarreling. Since the transit of Uranus in my third house things have changed though. My sister has become a Venus-factor as well, and since I have Neptune passing my 3rd house cusp, I realize that the fact, that she has been happy for years already (which was not the case when we were young), makes me very happy. Actually, I find it quite awful when members of my family are not happy. 

It may even be, that in the course of our life, we unconsciously are occupied with healing the pain of our parents our siblings, which we experienced as a young child, trying to find a solution for it.  Because one's family is part of oneself. And nothing shows this so demonstratively as the birthchart! 

Philosophically speaking it is truly interesting to realize that our horoscope doesn't only portray the people in our surroundings, but also reflect contents within us. Recently someone told me a story about her brother, who has many planets in Pisces. But she had Sagittarius on the 3rd house cusp. In no way was she able to relate to his sensitive side, she claimed she never ever had seen it manifested. It may be worse than we think: our family members exist solely in as far as what we make of them, because family members: they are not individuals, they are people playing a specific family-role in our lives, so it almost seems. And we stick our own planetary labeling on all of those people, inclusive of our partner by the way, sometimes without even viewing these people as to whom they really are as individuals. Thus for instance it is practically impossible to heal one's own family members, or even to interpret charts for them.  But fortunately and strangely enough, one's family heals the moment you have healed yourself.

When one has healed the particular planets within oneself which denote our family members (the Moon for the mother, the Sun for the father, Mercury and the 3rd house for siblings), and this means you have first withdrawn the projections onto them back to oneself, and internalized these symbols, then, according to native American traditions, you have healed 7 generations (with like problems) before you and 7 generations to follow!

I think that such really is the case. Each of us is born at a special moment which carries its own problems, and thereby its own solutions. Each of us is born as a kind of potential solution for a problem which the family carries around (Rudhyar). In reality of course it also is our own problem, otherwise we wouldn't incarnate into that family. Besides, each of the family members has its own view on what that family karma would be, depending on their own chart. When I was 21 I once had a meeting with my brother and sister to discuss our parents. I was entirely astonished to realize slowly but surely how different their viewpoints were on the characteristics of our parents. And much later it dawned on me, that my views on them and experiences with them were strongly colored by my own third house, and vice-versa. Thus my brother has a Sagittarian 3rd house cusp (Koch), and with my Sag. Ascendant he will always address that trait in me. My sister on the other hand has Scorpio on cusp 3, and is able to connect to my 12th house where I have Scorpio on the cusp. And so my inclination would be to project my Aquarius/Pisces 3rd house on to them and get those qualities out of them. But not only that, I would do so with all the people on the planet who even remotely look like my brother or sister, and that is... half the world.... :-)

If someone resembles my mother I will enter the house in her chart where Taurus is placed, because I have the Moon in Taurus. If someone looks like my father, I will again get into his Aquarian house, because I have the Sun in Aquarius.

How incredibly interesting, thinking about this! It also means, that we continuously experience our surroundings from our own charts. A philosopher once said that the world does not exist, only we do.  And thus our family does not exist; only we exist and create our own family.. 

So beyond all other reasons why one might practice astrology, one reason would be good enough already, and that is to view people for whom they really are, from their chart, and no longer from our own! As a parent you will then stop to project your own unfulfilled desires onto your children and let them be themselves.

At various times I experienced that in cases where someone couldn't stand her mother, the partner, or friends all thought it was a great woman and would have wished for them to have had a mother like that! 

Reflecting on this, you realize that those people see that mother as a human being, where in contrast you project the archetype of mother onto that person. "The mother", "the father", the "sister" or the "younger brother" are all roles, archetypes. The Divine Mother, the whole earth itself almost, life after life uses various individuals to take that role upon them. We have had so many mothers already, but in reality it is only One Mother whom you experience in all of her aspects, life after life. In the one life it can indeed be a little less divine than in the other, maybe this depends on our own evolutionary pattern. And on how you are playing that role yourself, how your inner view of the archetype mother is, because the interesting thing is, that we as a mother are the same as the Moon and all of her aspects in our chart, which also symbolizes our own mother. The Moon is a symbol of how as a child we experience the mother, and how we experience ourselves as a mother. Many people upon becoming a mother wish to do things "differently" than how they saw their own mother do it. And also that is an attempt to heal the inner Moon. 

One of the motivations for me in this article is to point out how we hardly realize how strong our surroundings reflect OUR chart and how we are inclined to stick our OWN role models on the people belonging to our family, without having integrated those roles within, without having untied the models of those people in our surroundings, in order for us to view them as a unique individual in their own right. The point is to take back the projections of the Moon and relate to it ourselves, and the same goes for the Sun, in order that we may realize ourselves in our lives, rather than wrestling any longer with the important male figures in our life. With siblings it could be quite important to see your own third house qualities as really belonging to you, however colored they were by the experiences you had with your siblings at an early age.

But even more important is the following, and that is, that in truth, all people on the planet whom we meet resemble either our mother, our father, or aspects of our sister, or brothers, and so on. And this means, that we will meet our family members continuously in all the people we meet, maybe not always that obvious, but still. If you only had one little brother, whom you really got on with such as was the case with me, it is quite easily so that you can relate to all male peers you meet easily and in a similar fashion. To put it even stronger, your attitude is even similar as your attitude was with your brother when you were young. If you were not that close to your brother, for instance, because he was a lot older and already out of the house before you were even born, and maybe have Pisces on cusp 3 or something, it can truly be that with many somewhat elder men you have the same feeling as if you don't really know them. 

Realizing this, you could realize how the notion of the entire planet being your family, really is true! The horoscope just shows it!

The I Ching is an ancient book of wisdom, which is made up of 64 hexagrams containing 6 lines each. It reflects the matrix of DNA, and the funny thing is, that the various lines are referred to as the Father, the Mother, the Eldest Son, the Eldest daughter, the Middle Son and so on. And from this line structure knowledge of the entire cosmos is gained! Family, that is we ourselves, in the various roles we play. And which roles we time after time again meet in the people we encounter.

And it all means that it therefore is incredibly important to improve your relations with your family members, if you wish to improve your relationship with 'the entire world'. And this is the most important point of this article. 

If one is fearful of a dominant mother, father, sister or brother, than there is fear for many dominant people. Thus to have a better relationship with all of those people on the planet, it is vital to improve the relationship with that one person in your family. But for that, two persons are needed, you will say. But I say: no, it is enough to improve the relationship with the planet symbolizing that role within oneself. However difficult this may be. Because it is really true, once the relationship with the feminine, the masculine, or whatever part within is healed, miracles happen. Miracles with the entire world around you, starting with your own family. 

Everyone who has been through a process of transformation should be able to confirm this: everyone who has been through a healing of an emotional wound, will notice how suddenly the mother, the father, the sister or whomever, also is going through a process if liberation. 

I have noticed more than once, that people who suddenly had an attack of dizziness or so, without a clue as to why, found out later that it was exactly the moment that his or her father or mother fell ill without them knowing it. On a cellular level we are quite connected with our own biological parents and siblings. Our DNA cells resonate as it were with theirs. But on a not-biological level we also resonate with all parental or family figures in our lives.

I have a student who is adopted and comes from India originally. If she describes her parents, the ones who raised her, she beautifully describes the Sun and Moon symbolism in her own chart. These parents later adopted another child who became her brother, and he also beautifully reflects her 3rd house! And again this is so because we have an inner mother, father and so on (depicted by the birth chart) that resonate with that what we meet up with on the outside. 

It is entirely normal to like some of your family members more than others. We do not connect well just like that with all of them, for the simple reason that this world of manifestation operates along the principle of dualism. With the one brother we get on, but with the older brother maybe not at all. Unconsciously we might identify easier with the mother because she seemed more sympathetic, than with a maybe verbally or physically abusive father.  The problem here is that we consequently will attract all kinds of male partners with the same symbolism and meet up with abusiveness again. How to heal that one? For all of us it is difficult to heal the content of Mars/Saturn or Pluto if we have seen terrible role models. Find better role models first! 

Some people experienced an early death of their father, mother, or sibling. Recently I asked a whole group of people, whether those who went through such an experience, didn't have a very strong feeling of "connectedness with the other side of life”, as if they are continuously being supported by the cosmos. And the interesting thing was that they all affirmed this! Without us realizing it, the sadness (Pisces) we may feel over the loss of a family member, may have given us something which we don't even realize that other people hardly have or in a much later stage in life only, this feeling of connectedness with a non-physical other side. As an eternal protection and support:  those family members who passed on created a bridge, a bridge which is always there for everyone, but those who lost someone at an early stage in life, can experience this much stronger, because they are the people where the DNA patterning on a cellular level is shared with those who made the bridge. Thus you resonate easier with the other side. 

It may also be a grandparent who is this holy factor in your life. Grandparents relate to the Ascendant/Descendant axis of our birthcharts. The Ascendant is (in my view) the personality, which the Soul has chosen for this lifetime, so one of the grandparents may really support the traits of your soul. That is the beauty of being a grandparent: you don't have to change the nappies, or busy yourself with what school your child will go to, the only role you need to play is the role of wisdom and love, as a true teacher for the soulqualities of that child. I remember clearly various things my grandmother always used to say and one of them was: that it would be good to clear up my things first before starting something new. What a wise lesson that is, thinking of karma:-)  Of course I listened to her but not to my parents, which is not unusual for kids. We fight a lot more with our parents, than with our grandparents who are in the phase of their lives where all they want to do is to give. If everything is well, because most of the time only one of the 4 grandparents will emulate the role of the Philosophical Wise Elder for you. 

As an aside about this fighting with ones parents: have you every realized that it is much easier to fight with the parent you get on with much better? In the case of a parent who was dominant (Pluto), unpredictable (Uranus), or absent (Pisces) it could take you until you become 30 before you take up that fight and finally internalize those symbolisms. So those parents struggling with unruly adolescents: know they get on better with you and even are like you...:-)

If the slower planets transit cusp 3,4, or 5 then it is time for awareness and change of those contents in your own chart, which you project outside. If dealing with cusp 3, brothers, sisters and all the brothers and sisters in the world come in the picture. If it is cusp 4, your parents come in, if it is cusp 5, your own role as a parent comes in. And if we are dealing with cusp 6 and the 6th house your relationships with your colleagues could very well reflect the friends of your own sisters and brothers! So you could go on, finding the entire world:-) If you finally get to the 12th house cusp and the 12th house, well, that is where our relationship with God is symbolized. And as to that: each of us will ultimately connect with the divine within, consciously or unconsciously, in this or in another life. It is exceedingly interesting in this connection to see whether one of the two lights, the Sun or Moon, are in the 12th or are in Pisces or connected to Neptune. Someone with a solar 12th house (or similar) will sooner connect to God, than someone with a lunar 12th house, (or similar) who is sooner seeking a Goddess to connect with.... Or if you have Venus in the 12th, God could come your way as the Eternal Beloved as in the Sufi path. Irina Tweedie, a well-known Sufi, for instance had Venus in Pisces in the 12th. The current Pope has Neptune in Leo in the 12th, and of course Leo is solar, so no doubt he will direct his prayers to God in the aspect of Father. From Ramakrishna it is known that he always communicated with the Divine Mother and he was born with Moon in Pisces. 

Recently I taught a class in which there was a man who had Moon in Pisces opposite Venus in Virgo. Each time I was referring to God, it left him cold. He is searching for the Goddess, the feminine aspect of God:-) In this connection it is good to realize that God in truth is "Mother-Father-Friend" in one, as Yogananda often used to say. Because one person will seek God in its motherly aspects, the other in its aspect of Father or Friend or Beloved. God is all and everything and can take on the color of your own needs depending on the planets in your chart. But often it is through the channel of Neptune, or the 12th house, or the symbolism of Pisces, because that's where we are most receptive to Spirit. And although we can look for it in matter for a long time, we can similarly be disappointed time and time again, because Neptune and Pisces simply are beyond matter. It comes through it, but it is not it. People with Neptune in the 8th can beyond disappointments in intimate relationships, for instance without them knowing it, have a channel to Spirit via a member of the family who passed on to those immaterial planes.

The awareness that your father and mother really are the instruments of the one Divine Father and One Divine Mother, makes it even more important to heal these images within us, if you are seeking a relationship with the divine.

Now that we are collectively experiencing Saturn in Cancer it may be a good idea to give a new meaning to the collective family-connections between all the people on the planet, and to start doing so with the symbolism in our own charts. Finish off the cycle of past emotional pain and grow into emotional maturity (Saturn in Cancer). Think of the things you did get from your family, and how everything is exactly right as it was. Feel love in your heart for your family, and if this is impossible, choose other family members, for which you are able to feel love. Because that's where it starts, in our own charts, our own homes, so to speak, where the patterns are which make us relate to the entire world family.

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